da aviator aposta： There is nothing the Armchair Fan detests more than a night without a decent game on TV, as was the case on Monday evening. Indeed, left to his own devices, AF had the choice of cleaning pizza stains off his bug-ridden armchair, going to the pub and attempting social interaction with other human beings or watching the Hollyoaks omnibus.
da apostaganha： He’s ashamed to admit he took the latter option at first, before realising he could spend Monday night highlighting the rest of the week’s footballing action in his TV guide. A welcome alternative to watching promiscuous students rub up against each other in a Chester suburb.
Ranging from Manchester City’s Champions League date with destiny to Leicester City’s hopes of bringing their Premier League title-winning miracle one game closer to completion, the coming week has a bit of everything. So without further ado, here’s AF’s guide to the week’s footy on the box – and a little bit that’s not.
TUESDAY – OIL WARS PART II
Following a first leg in which the defensive dumbfoundings of two sides who’ve been propelled from mediocrity to the pinnacle of European football by the power of Middle Eastern oil money verged upon almost slapstick proportions, tonight’s instalment looks set to be another thriller for the neutrals yet a heart-attack waiting to happen for anyone with a loose association to hosts Manchester City or visitors PSG.
Whilst the 2-2 ‘Abu Derby’ hangs delicately in the balance, slightly in City’s favour, Real Madrid find themselves with the unexpected task of overcoming a 2-0 deficit against Wolfsburg – albeit made slightly easier by the backing of the Bernabeu faithful.
But if the Champions League isn’t your thing, you may find some solace in the Championship. Second-place Middlesbrough and playoff hopefuls Birmingham take on two sides with nothing left to play for tonight in Reading and Leeds respectively.
What’s on the box?
Man City vs PSG – 7pm BT Sport Europe
Sky Sports News – Championship and Champions League updates
WEDNESDAY – THE MAGIC OF THE FA CUP RUINED BY LVG’S TACTICS
The two favourites may have the advantage in the Champions League, with Barcelona boasting a 2-1 scoreline over Atletico Madrid and Bayern Munich scoring the only goal against Benfica in the first leg, but neither of these ties are over just yet.
Indeed, Atletico have an away goal up their sleeve and if Benfica can score first against the German champions, anything could happen in the cauldron of the Estadio da Luz.
But if your vested interest is limited to English football alone, then get yourself over to BBC 1 where West Ham play hosts to Manchester United in a particularly feisty FA Cup replay for the chance to play an underperforming Everton side in the semi-finals.
Speaking of the Toffees, they travel to Selhurst Park, where things aren’t quite as depressing as they were last week following a 1-0 win over Norwich City on Saturday – the first home Premier League fixture Crystal Palace haven’t lost in 2016.
Something a little different this evening, sir? How about the age-old excuse for mass stabbings across Turkey in the form of the Galatasaray-Fenerbahce derby?
What’s on the box?
Atletico Madrid vs Barcelona – 7pm BT Sport Europe
West Ham vs Man United – 7pm BBC 1
Champions League highlights – 10.40pm ITV1
THURSDAY – KLOPPING OFF
The involvement of two Premier League heavyweights Liverpool and Manchester United (the latter being knocked out by the former in the last round) this season has forced AF to take a more serious interest in the Europa League.
And as if the northwest derby in the last round wasn’t exciting enough, Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp now welcomes his former club Borussia Dortmund to Anfield with the advantage of an away goal from the 1-1 first leg at Westfalenstadion last week.
Kind of like when you’re out with your girlfriend and bump into your ex, who also happens to be with her new boyfriend, this match could leave either Klopp or Dortmund thinking they’ve made a huge mistake. Either way, with the scoreline delicately poised, it looks set to be one of the best Europa League clashes for some time.
Meanwhile, Sevilla will fancy their chances of getting past Athletic Bilbao after coming away from the first leg with a 2-1 away win, Shakhtar Donetsk find themselves in exactly the same situation against Braga and Sparta Prague find themselves trailing 2-1 to Villarreal but boast an away goal.
What’s on the box?
Liverpool vs Dortmund – 7.30pm BT Sport Europe
Europa League highlights – 10.40pm ITV1
FRIDAY – HIPSTER NIGHT
If you prefer watching FC Midtjylland to Manchester City, lounging around in your retro Austria Wien shirt whilst flicking through old copies of The Blizzard and waxing your moustache, then Friday night is the night for you.
Indeed, whilst there’s no standout fixture, there’s plenty of peripheral football to dive moustache-first into, starting off with a mid-afternoon UEFA Youth League clash between Real Madrid and PSG.
A real test of footballing hipster pedigree, 7pm will see you make the tough choice between the Orange-Gold derby (also known as Hull City vs Wolverhampton Wanderers) and Hannover’s Bundesliga clash with Borussia Monchengladbach. The former are rock-bottom in the German top flight, whilst Gladbach are chasing down a Champions League spot.
And if you want to take your alcohol-free, vape-happy hispter party past the witching hour, then the midnight kickoff in MLS – Houston Dynamo hosting LA Galaxy – should see you through.
Meanwhile, the draws for the Champions League and Europa League semi-finals will be shown, dissected and discussed in the morning.
What’s on the box?
Champions League draw – 10.30am EuroSport
Europa League draw – 11.30am EuroSport
Youth League: Real Madrid vs PSG – 4pm BT Sport Europe
Hull City vs Wolves – 7pm Sky Sports 1
Hannover vs Borussia Monchengladbach – 7.15pm BT Sport Europe
Houston Dynamo vs LA Galaxy – 11.55pm Sky Sports 1
SATURDAY – EL RELEGATIONIO
With Aston Villa already plunging towards the lowly depths of the Championship and Rafa Benitez unable to clog up holes on the sinking ship that is Newcastle United despite his excess of flab, it’s now very much a case of who will be the final club to join the seemingly doomed duo in England’s second tier next season.
Norwich City and Sunderland are the only real contenders and fortunately enough – unless you’re a Norwich City or Sunderland fan – they’ll be doing battle at Carrow Road during Saturday’s early kick off, in a game that sees the vast experience of Sam Allardyce come up against the Scottish grit of Alex Neil.
In a game that was expected to mean everything at the start of the season but now means essentially nothing, fallen champions Chelsea and failed dethroners Manchester City square off at Stamford Bridge in the late kickoff. Will the old adage of ‘playing for your futures’ ahead of changes in management kick some of their apathetic stars into gear? Probably not
And if you’re too busy scoffing at the underwhelming quality in show in the Premier League this season, you can check out Eibar vs Real Sociedad or Moreirense vs Sporting Lisbon instead. Or, if you simply enjoy watching very upset football fans, an already-relegated Bolton face a promotion-chasing Middlesbrough earlier in the day.
What’s on the box?
Bolton Wanderers vs Middlesbrough – 12pm Sky Sports 2
Hibernian vs Dundee (Scottish Cup) – 12pm Sky Sports 1
Norwich City vs Sunderland – 12pm BT Sport 1
Chelsea vs Manchester City – 5pm Sky Sports 1
Eibar vs Real Sociedad – 7.25pm Sky Sports 3
Moreirense vs Sporting Lisbon – 8.30 BT Sport Europe
Football League highlights – 9pm Channel 5
Match of the Day – 10.25pm BBC 1
SUNDAY – GAMES GALORE!
Whilst on other days this week the AF may have deemed it acceptable to leave the airchair for the odd toilet break or even a few crumpets, Sunday will be a case of putting on the old adult diaper and getting the delivery boy to post slices of pizza through the letter box.
That may seem an unnecessary exaggeration but there is honestly not a football-less second between Sunday’s first kick-off and AF’s bed time, spanning pretty much an entire twelve hours.
The football fest starts with Leicester City attempting to further extend their table-topping escapades against West Ham, leaving Spurs to face a potential ten-point deficit by the time they face Stoke City on Monday night, and continues with Arsenal playing hosts to Crystal Palace in what should be a somewhat feisty London derby – with the away side providing the vast majority of the feistiness.
And later in the afternoon, La Liga fans can enjoy a triple bill over on Sky Sports, including Barcelona’s meet with the club formerly known as Gary Neville’s Valencia, whilst Monaco and Marseille square off in a classic French top flight fixture and Serie A clashes are sprinkled on BT Sport throughout the day.
All the action finishes with a quick reminder of the Sunday that was courtesy of MOTD 2.
What’s on the box?
Leicester City vs West Ham – 12.30pm Sky Sports 1
Juventus vs Palermo – 1.45pm BT Sport Europe
Arsenal vs Crystal Palace – 3.30pm Sky Sports 1
Rennes vs Guingamp – 4pm ESPN
Lazio vs Empoli – 5pm BT Sport Europe
Atletico Madrid vs Granada – 5pm Sky Sports 3
Barcelona vs Valencia – 7.15pm Sky Sports 3
Monaco vs Marseille – 7.45pm BT Sport Europe
Getafe vs Real Madrid highlights – 9.45pm Sky Sports 3
Match of the Day 2 – 10.30pm BBC 1